Sport

Rumours rife on the squash court

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September 15, 2017

After a season in the wilderness the All Stars and Noel ‘The Ace’ Pearson returned to squash.

The rumours have been rife, where have they been? Have they been banned? Not another squash scandal ... but The Ace returned immediately to the winner’s circle.

Looking a few kilos over his normal playing weight, The Ace started slowly, losing the first two games to Macca.

After that, he settled and dominated the match.

At his press conference, The Ace refused to say where he had been these past three months.

‘‘The committee is trying to force me out,’’ he said when questioned about his handicap.

‘‘I’ve been out of the game and they have made my handicap tougher.’’

The All Stars number two seed, Bradley ‘The Kid’’Allison caused a massive upset, defeating the highly touted Zaine ‘The Hyphen’ Lewin-Hoy.

The Hyphen received conduct warnings from the ref as he took his frustrations out on his racquet.

Ruth Barton and Evie Parker went to five games in a close contest with Parker clinching the final game 15/7.

This proved to be the only win for Macca’s Lot.

The Fashionvistas started the new season with a solid win against Bulldogs.

Chad ‘Yves St Laurent’ Parker sported a new outfit which stunned his opponent Colin ‘The Headband’ McBean.

The Headband tried hard but went down in the fifth.

Kelly ‘Lady Gaga’ Christensen enjoyed her night defeating a slim looking David ‘The Lord of the Rings’ Hall.

Hall started slowly before recovering to level the match at two games apiece.

But it was Christensen looked more composed in a thrilling final game.

Helen ‘The Greek Goddess’ Flint was the only loser for the Fashionvistas.

Paul ‘The President’ Kennedy gave the Goddess a squash lesson, winning easily in four games.

Keep calling your lets.

— The Boaster

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